Against the grain..

I can't say I ever went with the grain, but I did do whatever it took to turn what hell I was living in around. The fear of what's to come, and where I was, did it for me, so I for awhile saw the grain and did what I could.  When you enter treatment, the topic of meetings and their importance is stressed upon quite often. Even while your in, after a couple weeks, not right in or out of detox, noone wants to see that mess, but seriously, you go out to meetings. These  meetings I speak of are 12 step and it might be Narcotics Anonymous, or mine that I went to for so long were Alcoholics Anonymous. Really until now, you had no other alternative to recovery, its just meetings. Now I see the guy on TV and holistics approaches, but the staple has been AA and the 12 steps of recovery.  Yes Im not gonna it didn't work for me, Bill Wilson the founder was a genius. He combined many different forms of philosophy and spirituality so that it would give a drunk tools once the alcohol was gone, and its in those 12 steps. The meetings, if ran correctly, sharing your experience, strength, and hope, hell that can help anywhere in life to get you through the day, but that doesn't always happen. I don't write to put down the rooms, its people that unfortuntely don't understand what comes out of their mouth. I statements that's the rule, you stick with sharing only about yourself, thats also in the mental health field, you sure as hell don't want to piss off a nut, and say you in a group setting, not enough prozac for that. :).  Great rule sometimes bended or passive/aggressive pokes to get someone goat, and for what, I never understood that, if we have an hour here, why don't we use it wisely and collectively help each other and share what we can so hey, I can borrow from you, or yeah I have been there she use this from me, but it's not like that, not always.  In the beginning of every meeting, they say " Does anyone have a topic related to Alcohol"? well if im sitting in that chair anything coming out of my mouth is related to alcohol. I never understood that. I am dual diagnosed so I deal with both issues, most alcoholics do, they just dont get treated, they sit in those rooms and get sicker.  Anyways, my last day at AA, I shared about not being able to get that medicine and how I felt, and how I understood the term to self medicate, because I was going to drink because I couldn't get my meds. And in those rooms, some twisted that topic about pills, which it wasn't, some said it was a issue to speak to their sponsor, and I knew then I was ok. That they were sicker than I was, I was able to say were I was and be comfortable saying it, I didn't use and most of them were dwelling on how they used valium in the passed and I knew I reached my plateau, I thank You Bill wilson for the steps you wrote, some of us yes we are against the grain like me but I cant sit in a room, where I cant be me.