Thursday, September 6, 2012

out of darkness

the fog has cleared, now I feel like the worst hangover, just with no party and its lasted for several days. The pills came, had to go back to the hospital that gave them to me originally. You would think that you could call and have them refill the script, and that would be the end of that, oh no they want to charge you insurance a ton and have you go back thru this process, to get looked at again just to get the same damn pills. The first time I received ten pills, I didn't notice this till I went to pharmacy, but really 10 pills what the hell am I going to do with that amount when my doctor's visit wont be until the 9/12.  I cant recall how long they lasted, because I cant recall that week, it was a black out without alcohol. I had those before, black outs when I drank, and woke up in strange places, been raped, in jail, and many other things. Now for the record, I have been sober for over 3 years, and to have that feeling back was the worst feeling one could go thru. After the bad experience I had, I shopped around to the other hospitals here, now in Cincinnati, there are at least 5 hospitals you can go to, and I went to three for treatment, never received treatment during this highly elevated manic episode. UC sent some nurse who read from a chart and asked you going to kill yourself twice and other question that didnt pertain to my illness, so I left. Decones had a 6 hour wait to just see the doctor, but let criminals, and UC patients come before us. So back to Good Sam the hospital I had to call 911 to get a bed before in. The last time my therapist had to make sure I would receive medication, because they didnt send anyone to speak to me and she was the one demanding they get someone. The last visit, A patient with the craziest face made a comment about why I was there, overhearing my conversation. I did ignore, but without meds, my tolerance is low. The last laugh, I turned around around and told her old black ass to mind her own, and she is in no condition to criticize when she looks like a blow fish, and no one can understand her ass anyways with having no teeth. I was finished I said my piece. Now I normally dont go there, but Im not myself. Then overdried, bleach blonde mobile home nurse had to come over and say her peace and it was all at me, " its a peaceful place none of this needs to go on here".  I told her its over I said my piece this was noone of her concern go do your job, if she wants to talk, go to mush mouth not me, go away I have no use of you anymore, now go!!!! she waives for security like hes getting involved, he didnt move not one inch.  Now you have idiots working in hospitals, mush mouth was a patient, I expect her to be the way she is but why that nurse would want to provoke the situation is beyond me.  After that mess, and thank god I had a mission, and it wasnt to beat that idiots ass, I made it thru the waiting for a refill, actually met up with a good doctor this time, and he even gave me some good advice gave me medicine on the spot and a script till I see my psychiatrist.  This motivates me and more to write a book to say all that I have been thru to expose not only whats wrong with the field of this industry, but maybe someone in power can make changes, its awful the way it is, if you dont advocate for yourself you might not make it

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