Some hobbies do pay off

Explore my open doors

Explore my open doors

In their hands!!!!!

We fight for all to have health care,  but those who have special needs and less than insurance beware!!!!!!  In my 3 1/2 years in the Health alliance care, my Primary care doctor, prevented my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Even with a RA factor constant pain reported to him, his response was " are you on your period" or " you might need another anti depressant, your not emotionally stable". My dermatologist ignored my bloodwork while I was on acutane, and fortunally we had a argument, because at that time, my liver was effected and other things on my chart were too high. I did have concerns so throughout being on the drug, I would ask him about my bloodwork, and he ignored me or said your fine. Now I have permanant damage over that with my digestion, all due to him ignoring me, what I had to say what not of importance. Finally is their dental Center, By the way this is The University of Cincinnati, the world known heart center, the teaching hospital, yeah well, your not focusing on the patients like me in my situation. I had to put that in there. Ok the dental center, I had partial plate they were to form and then send out to make. Well they have residents and a dentist then a head dentist. I get a dentist who refuses to listen, the right side was too long in the back, too many times I told her, " im biting down and other side is rising up." I dont know what Im talking about, because she says this is needed and thats how my mouth is formed. " are you crazy its my mouth, if I bite down and one side goes up, how in the hell dont I know, common sense". I asked for a dentist, he came in touched where it should be, then left. She went back to her old way and guess what it was sent out with a big dip on the right side. I came back a month later couldn't take it, so I get her again and she says " I can sand it down" so that works for awhile. 6 months later it was a mess lost the hook that latches on the tooth and loose everywhere. I explained what happened, and another resident says "your gums might have shrunk, but really we can only fix the clamp" This piece of crap was moving all over the place, and these people were great for covering for each other, damn!!! getting to the point it came back, I was biting on metal and the hook was not even around my tooth. The back was loose as hell, so I called for who was in charge, and the manager came. She defended them too waived her hands at me, to lower my voice, patronizing me, I told her this was how I spoke and I need someone to help me, this is ridiculous. She walked out, I thought she was coming back, but no I had to call patient relations to get some help, and let them know what was  going on. Then finally the Dentist came, and this blows my mind, he didn't see anything wrong, " with partials I have had clients put them in their shelves and not even use them." Are you kidding me, I was blown away, a few more were exchanged, then finally his response to me is " well we can reinburse your insurance, take the plate and you can go elsewhere but there is nothing we can do" I was finished with at that point. I will add he did say he would tighten the clamp, but that was not a solution and I was not willing to give it to him after the shelf comment. I fixed them actually and they do fit better, you can do things on your own. As far as anyone being held responsible for their actions, good luck, the dentists is above all, patient relations was a joke, they did no advocation for me what so ever!!!! So I asked who is above all this and she wanted to give me an email, no thanks a phone #.  You must advocate for yourself I swear, you put your body the only thing you have and your life  in their hands. Be careful who that is, and where you go!!!!!

Protection for less democracy, who agreed on this?

Where was I when an officer has the right to tell you to shut up, abuse his power then kick you out of a public place for giving info, just because he said not one more word!!! Who the hell do these men think they are once that uniform goes on? Oh yeah try calling on them too, " did you say something else" I said " Yes the date they couldn't find" and he backed him with " well he told you not to speak". Are you kidding me it was regarding the situation and this BMV on Hamilton ave in Cincinnati ohio, had no idea what was going or where to find anything. I put that in there so if you were stuck in a bad situation and needed something complicated taken care of, don't go there. Bubba has nothing to do but harrass and the staff " don't get an attitude with me maam, ", of course you can say what you want you work for the state, if you didn't I would take my bull whip and wrap it around your neck you and bubba gump. Back to abuse of power, if the cop had a problem he could have been calm, approached me and communicated himself responsibly, the staff too. It was an awful experience, I don't like the men in blue to think they have power over me, like Im in prison, I know people have issues at the bmv, but no weapons were shown, I wasnt waiving my hands or yelling at her.  We don't live in China or any other country where we have to be quiet when they enter the room, our officers are people just like us, and they are here to protect us, not to harm us, insult, or insight panic, which he was considering how close he stood to me. I know they have a job that is of high risk, but they chose it and that has nothing to do with me.

Enjoy what you got.....

Last night I had an old lady friend call, she wanted to stop by after dinner with her mother.  I told her to text me when she was on her way, and that was that. A couple hours later, It came to me I am seeing someone, and I might want to run this by her and see what to do. My relationship is not ordinary, she is married, so she has someone she goes home to. I know it's not the best situation but its what Im in, it just happen, so back to last night, I haven't slept with anyone, since our relationship began and my lady friend has been so busy I haven't seen her since this all evolved either. At first I felt as though I was cheating, like I shouldn't be with anyone else because we have this intense relationship with such emotions, and love that we share, but then I did realize she does go home to someone else too, and thats when I spoke to her and said is this relationship open? I said you love me and you love your husband, so we have an open relationship. I didn't think she liked that perspective, nor the fact that my lady friend was coming over, but she did say it wasn't fair that she gets to go home to someone and Im alone. As my lady friend pulls up I could barely get her off the phone as she walks thru the door, it was goodbye and hello to her. I thought I would feel awkward, but it was like were it left off, and we did enjoy each others company, no details needed. What I will say is, living in the moment and taking care of yourself is a good thing. I know the person I am seeing is not going to divorce, so I will enjoy what we have, and I will enjoy what I have too. See many get into situations like this and then they want that person to divorce, you have no control, and can't do that, you have to accept what your in, but you can enjoy yourself too. I love that girl Im seeing and it does suck that she happens to be married, I can't help where my heart went, but I can make do of a situation. So I have my lady friends and enjoy myself, life is too short to be upset about a situation you have no power over.

Phifel!!

Unwanted guests we all have them, so I gently escorted mine away and I thought I was done with him. Had I been aggressive that would have been the case, but no I actually provided him with shelter and food without my knowledge, till one day I see his big ass crawl across my patio, yes my guest was a small field mouse now he is a big ass rat!! Now living on my patio, eating what I feed the squirrels. See I caught him in a cup, and I didn't want to throw him three stories to the ground, so I just set him down, outside the patio, thinking he would crawl away. OMG no, he has hid from me but slowly grew into a big ass monster, what did I do!!!!! Sometimes you have to be aggressive with unwanted guests whether it be Phifel, or people in general, cause they will hang around unless you throw them out, his case literally, but in life, hey your on your own, support I can be there for you, but you can't stay here. I can't believe I made a moral point out of my rat story but it's true now my squirrels have to suffer until I get rid of that rat, I can't feed him any more, he will be the size of a cat, plus he really needs to be thrown out this time.

In Position?

Ever had a job, that hired you for a specific position, in charge of a department where you were to make the calls, and your ideas are what they hired you for? Ok, follow me, now you get in there, you are the shot caller of this department, but there is a boss of the overall department, and he seems to keep getting in your business, until the point you are no longer running the department. You are just a figure head, he makes calls and sometimes you can make some calls but everybody else now seems to be in control, and your just standing there? Welcome to the Cincinnati Bengals, and you would be the new Offensive Coordinator Jay Gruden!!!!!   See you have stubborn Coach who forgets that he is a Defensive Coordinator by trade and has no business making calls, but seems to think that his simple minded insistence on the run can't be read by other D.C. well Dick Le Beau smashed that last  week in the second half, so when will he get it thru his head unless he is willing to invest in pro bowlers as linemen besides whitworth that wont work!!!!! Also you have eager hands ready to catch and many plays in those books you carry around let Jay practice with thosse boys so they  can become familiar with them instead of saying ok no huddle and them no be ready cause they don't practice that as much as that damn run which we dont have the protection for!!!!!!! Play action, flea flicker, slant, shovel, something but screw the run until we need it at 3rd and 3 or somethng like that damn!!!!! Palmer went thru this shit, why now Andy, no someone has to stop Marvin!!!!!

I can't help it....

 When your in a relationship that's taboo, should you recoil like a hot flame? No it was a burning desire that I ran to, now its overwhelming love I can't get enough of. This is a not a social relationship, we are always at my house, we meet before she goes to work or when she gets off. Never has she spent the night, or have we went to dinner together.
    This is my relationship, intense passion, exploring love that I have never felt before, doing things like locking each other in positions and laying there for long periods of time. Now yes as great as that sounds, and it is believe me, I worry because at any time we might have to end what we have, or will we get sick of it? Right now I would there is no way I could ever sick of looking in those fawn like eyes, but when we are in my house all the time it might happen. Livin on love only can only last for so long right? We do need to get out, I am afraid when I take her out to a park, I will want to  be all over her, but that would be a safe spot to get out for us to enjoy an environment besides my four walls. Yesterday was a simple argument, and as I tried to get off the bed, she was shaking, crying and saying she didn't want to lose me. I went back to hold her and I started to cry, like she transferred her emotions on me. Its always the taboo, the relationships that are not suppose to be that are so intense, damn!!! Now what do you do, your in deep, that was some emotions already shared between the both of us, and if anything extreme happens its gonna us both!!!  The heart has a mind of its own if you open it, and thats what we did!!!

out of the box!

when you are like me, who only knows to be herself it can be considered being "out of the box".  Comprimising your personality, and being part of the background, seems to be the norm these days. "go with the flow, not against the grain", now we use woodshop tips for wisdom.  I am honest, sometimes I even feel like Biden, laughing*.  I don't want to change who I am, but I have made myself more subtle, being heard by everyone is not my goal, and what I want to say also can be shared where I am, not to the entire floor, for I have a voice that carries well, so I have been told. Making adjustments is one thing, but I in no way, do not want to lose the essense of me. So where can a comprimise be made? I thought about it, but I also think about this one journey we have, and why would I want to live for anyone else but myself, I would be afraid of regrets.

Explore my open doors: Girls......

Explore my open doors: Girls......: Lips, hips, fingertips,  thighs, eyes, oh my! yes it's true, a woman can have a hold on you.  Those breasts call to me, saying " Michele don...

Girls......

Lips, hips, fingertips,  thighs, eyes, oh my! yes it's true, a woman can have a hold on you.  Those breasts call to me, saying " Michele don't you see,  my headlights on bright and shining"! yes thats my cue, for me to come and see you. My hands love to wander all over your skin, so spread those thighs open so I can begin. This is where we gain pleasure, you and I in the center, you taste so sweet, this is my treat, I not only enjoy your flavor, but its your moans I favor. My actions, causes a reaction, which blows me away. You move around, I hold you down, keep giving you wet pleasure, nothing can measure, so now your loud, which makes me proud, cause you are so wet, and I bet, you just came all over me, damn I am as happy as can be.

Against the grain..

I can't say I ever went with the grain, but I did do whatever it took to turn what hell I was living in around. The fear of what's to come, and where I was, did it for me, so I for awhile saw the grain and did what I could.  When you enter treatment, the topic of meetings and their importance is stressed upon quite often. Even while your in, after a couple weeks, not right in or out of detox, noone wants to see that mess, but seriously, you go out to meetings. These  meetings I speak of are 12 step and it might be Narcotics Anonymous, or mine that I went to for so long were Alcoholics Anonymous. Really until now, you had no other alternative to recovery, its just meetings. Now I see the guy on TV and holistics approaches, but the staple has been AA and the 12 steps of recovery.  Yes Im not gonna it didn't work for me, Bill Wilson the founder was a genius. He combined many different forms of philosophy and spirituality so that it would give a drunk tools once the alcohol was gone, and its in those 12 steps. The meetings, if ran correctly, sharing your experience, strength, and hope, hell that can help anywhere in life to get you through the day, but that doesn't always happen. I don't write to put down the rooms, its people that unfortuntely don't understand what comes out of their mouth. I statements that's the rule, you stick with sharing only about yourself, thats also in the mental health field, you sure as hell don't want to piss off a nut, and say you in a group setting, not enough prozac for that. :).  Great rule sometimes bended or passive/aggressive pokes to get someone goat, and for what, I never understood that, if we have an hour here, why don't we use it wisely and collectively help each other and share what we can so hey, I can borrow from you, or yeah I have been there she use this from me, but it's not like that, not always.  In the beginning of every meeting, they say " Does anyone have a topic related to Alcohol"? well if im sitting in that chair anything coming out of my mouth is related to alcohol. I never understood that. I am dual diagnosed so I deal with both issues, most alcoholics do, they just dont get treated, they sit in those rooms and get sicker.  Anyways, my last day at AA, I shared about not being able to get that medicine and how I felt, and how I understood the term to self medicate, because I was going to drink because I couldn't get my meds. And in those rooms, some twisted that topic about pills, which it wasn't, some said it was a issue to speak to their sponsor, and I knew then I was ok. That they were sicker than I was, I was able to say were I was and be comfortable saying it, I didn't use and most of them were dwelling on how they used valium in the passed and I knew I reached my plateau, I thank You Bill wilson for the steps you wrote, some of us yes we are against the grain like me but I cant sit in a room, where I cant be me.

When you need a woman..............

I am a Domme, and I get 1000,s of messages from men willing to do whatever I want to do with them. Now Women on the other hand aren't as willing, limitations come which in my world don't work and they become divas even though they are suppose to submit to me. I have been looking for a woman willing to take a discipline spanking, get it on video and enjoy the rewards. See when people go watch these spankings they like to see women, spanking women, so I have to find that girl willing to take what I dish out, and I have a hand that leaves the worst marks. There has to be a woman out there who wants to be over my knee, feeling my hand hit that bottom. But where could she be, who knows, you see them all over the place, but I can't find one to fill this spot?

These four walls.....

I do alot to acheive the Michele, to reach her in better health, in sobriety, and mental health. I have been doing this for over 7 years. Now of course it was necessary to do something, the condition I was in was in, extremely out of control. Some would say, homicidal, suicidal, and full blown nuts from no psychological care. I reached the boiling point, the mix of alcohol and drugs was just a way for me to get help. Well, detox, treatment, AA, mental health, group therapy, many of them, and 7 years of therapy, and now I sit here, in these four walls. I think sometimes time sits still, life is moving around me, and Im just in my own world doing my thing, and everybody else is running the world. I am not a part of, just an observer watching all of you, do what you do, and me well Im still in progress. So I go to parks and observe nature, take my picture, get in touch with my inner child, do all the things I have heard somewhere, lord knows I have been to enough groups, spoke in enough sessions, and listened in enough meetings. I know many changes have occured in me since that day I entered that detox bed, but its this feeling I get still, these four walls, I want them to feel like comfort, not like I gotta get up and go do something. I wanna just sit, and read a book. Be with Michele, she has been through enough, listened for a long time and now I just want to be in my four walls and become the girl that doesn't feel interrupted. I want to feel like having coffee over with a few people and enjoy the chatter of whatever it may be in these four walls!

No pain, no gain, yeah ok!

I joined a membership a few weeks ago, and what a joy its been. Now I do love the tanning beds, massage chairs, water massage beds, and the other perks, its the machines that are killing me. Last night I couldn't stop coughing from this cardio machine, which is like the elipitcal but it hurt much worse. My lungs feel like Im still smoking and I quit over 2 years ago.  After the cardio, the trainer assigns all these machines you rotate every day you use 20 rep 3x, legs, back, shoulders, arms. abs. I am so soar right now, due to the isolation of that muscle. I normally dont use it I guess, and I am dying, the beginning sucks. Im sure I sound like a whiny lil baby, but the only thing I look forward to in that gym is that tanning bed and those extra perks not that damn cardio where half my lung is on the floor. The beginning is when most quit, I know this in my head, so I keep telling my soar ass body, that it will pass, the pain won't be so great and I will start looking forward to the gym, lol. I think I might help the gym visit out and do things at home to work out too, cause right now I am thinking about a walk. I gotta do something, Im not a kid anymore, I do miss those days where this wasn't a thought because you ran around so damn much, weight was never an issue," yeah I better worry about that big ass Im getting"!  And if you have read any of my blogs before Im up again early so why not go for a walk, I have nothing else to do, love living healthy, horray!!

Fruit from the forbiddin tree!!!

All the trees have the same fruit, and you can have as much as you want. Now there is one tree over there that is off limits, and you are not to have any!  How many people stay away from that tree, do some go check it out and then say no I'm ok with what I got. Others say I'm not going over there, I don't even need to look at the tree, Im ok with the fruit I have. Then you have me, and others who go to that tree thats forbidden and take from it, because its forbidden and we cant resist.  I visit that tree all the time and take from it, and even though I know I should resist, I give in to my desire for that sweet fruit. I cant have that same fruit, its not me, I know it's its not acceptable, and my actions are wrong according to society, but when I am enjoying that fruit, its esctasy.  The married man's wife never found out about the affair I had with her man. He was my boss, hit on me hard, so I took him. Left a note on his car, and he accepted. We had sex at his house, my house, in the restaurant, and in the car. We picked our last time and went our separate ways. I knew that enjoying this fruit, I would not be able to have it forever, but it was good while it lasted. Now the engaged girl, she wasn't gay, no way, yeah until she was lip locked with me, then at my house and for not knowing what to do was very much into being with the same sex before say I do to her man. That happened quite a few times, and then would return to her hubby no longer a virgin of a woman. For me I get in these forbidden relationships like I am now, I love this fruit, but the problem with getting anything from this tree, is its not yours to take. You were told not take from this tree for a reason, its taken, its not yours to take, thats the message. That still never stopped me, even know I saw it as I can take it, like I conquered something, but really I never had anything to keep, I got to taste, but it was always taken. Now Im in the same situation, I have a relationship that is forbidden. I not only went back to the tree, I took her with me and she loves the fruit and filled with esctacy. I guess you can call me Eve

reinstatement fees, WTF!

The advice the lawyer gave to me in 2003, "Michele don't do this again! I can't keep getting out DUI's and now Ohio passed a law, its a felony next time girl' no matter what I do. That definite jail time and I can't do a thing about it". So from that date on, I chose to drink, but not drive, so I just lived without driving for all this time. I didn't know if I would drive when I drank, and I didn't seeing it ending any time soon, until 8/3/09.  I had some good times, and obviously bad, but now I go to reinstate my license and what's this........a 1000.00 fee. No there's a mistake, yes I've had multiple duis but paid back then charged again, that's how it worked. Well you see somehow, a uninsured charge 125.00, another DUI 425.00, lol wtf, is there another Michele, my lawyer, had mine all dropped down, they wouldn't go to the reinstatement office, and I have been bonded since the first DUI in 94, plus I always drive with insurance, if you drove like I did, drunk. All these years I had been working on taking care of me, not thinking back about this, and wow now I have to clear this shit up. Luckily progressive has great records and is sending the papers, the DUI well the lawyer, forgot to file papers cancelling the refusal to blow which to the state of Ohio looks like a DUI . So now go to the judge if he doesn't, or just pay his mistake, here is the crazy thing, someone was willing to pay it all, and I see mistakes and no I couldn't let her pay money that the state isn't owed. Would have saved me stress, time, and all memory lane bull shit, but I couldn't see her do it. Maybe deep down too, how thoughtful she is to that for me, so I guess, I wanted to suffer for, I didn't expect it to end this way, cause I love the woman who wanted to this for me. I wanted to tell all of you, make sure you look your records over, and no fee can't be overturned, there I don't feel like such a sap

what's seen in the mid west, is blind in the rest.

Before my last post occurred, it just came to almost the same situation happened to me a week ago, but I was the two Women in the back who watched the man assault me, and later comfort him. It was reversed the man was black, the women too, the only difference  in that scene was I didn't see any color. I saw a man getting very close to women, one of them was too young to hear what was coming out of his mouth. The only option I saw was to step in and prevent anything else from happening, and escorting this man out the door, he lost his privilege to stay. I repeated you don't talk like that to women, over and over, remained eye contact and step forward as a bouncer would when your ass being nicely thrown out.  I didn't think about it till yesterday, but the two stories have some similar qualities, a man was assaulting a female, it was how it was handled that is the difference. I also use this comparison to illustrate the difference of seeing color and discrimination, and living amongst each other and living as people. The neighborhood I was in is predominantly black, not once have I ever thought about it when in it, I'm 38 and thank God the mid west or whatever mentality it is to see your race for first, I practice face value that means whatever the hell you are showing me, now that's another post and some other things I have to practice. I was born in CA, and back then they cranked classical to the kids and read all these alternative books to raising their child, it was the early 70 s, maybe it worked.

TJ Blacks!!!!

It was a good day, learning the ropes at my gym and meeting new people. After my workout, I decided to downtown to drop some things off and check it TJmaxx for some more workout clothes. Right before the clothes I saw the shoes, and I am a lady so I had to stop to see what they had. Now I'm an 8 1/2 and the next size  is 9 so this is my aisle. I tried on one pair, didn't like them, so I put them back put left that shoe off, so I can try more, why keep taking it off? So that shoe is on the ground along with a box that had a pair of headphones, it was set off to the side but not exactly together, there was some space between them. When I go to try on another pair, a guy comes behind me and step over the shoe and straddles the headphones to see a pair of shoes behind me. I was so blown away by his disregard for my property and my space, I couldn't say anything. So I went back to looking, and the pig did it again, and then it was a mess from there. Words flew, managers were involved, threats were thrown around, apparently Mr Oxford shirt black slacks, key card wearing thug, said if he wasn't on probation he would shoot me. Now I'm not an angel in this, every call out, I was inches from his face, no man will threatened a woman, and I lose it when they do it to me. Now, two blacks chics, I'd say mid 30s heard his ass threatened all that, and who do they do to, him, and when I say what's your name boy, so I can report your ass, she's now telling him its menacing and to walk away. He was I didn't mention that, a girl at the counter, black too, well he has a suit on, how could he be in trouble? He even told the person on the phone several times if I wasn't on probation! The store did OK, but when are we gonna say, that discrimination isn't white on black anymore, I'm tired of hearing that shit!!! If I was a black girl he would have been polite, even helped moved her stuff out of the way for her, by the way he was with the other ladies. Ignorance, ego and arrogance all over my tan skin, it looks great by the way, I just came back Florida so its not that white, scared, little fool

the man that became a boy

Many clients come over and never tell me the reason they come to see me. Some I think just enjoy to be spanked, others truly do have a reason to be over my lap. Now big boy, and he was over 6 foot tall came over, and stood before with some fear that was obvious. I had to know what was troubling him. I had him sit down, and tell me why someone like him would want little me to spank his ass to tears.  Now you would think, he was a bad boy, stole from work, cheated on his wife, or just has behavior problems, nope, not even close. This man is grieving the death of his mom, and misses her dearly. In his mind he going back to the days when momma spanked his ass, when he did something wrong in school, after they whipped his ass too. Yes guys they used to do that, what a shame they dont do that now! Anyways, this was the first for me, but I wanted to deliver one hell of a spanking so that boy would come out of him, and he could cry for his momma, and those tears would fall down his face. In the spanking world when someone cries they get whats called a emotional release which is like an orgasm, its freedom for all those worries and pain for a little while, and I wanted that man to get it and get it good. So I rotated left to right, moving my hands all around that bubble but of his and into about ten minutes, I'll be damned the man/boy now is crying. I can't stop this isn't long enough, he needs to get all those emotions out so I keep going but I just use my hands. The change in the man though was surprising he became this babbling child telling mommy please, now the man is the boy transferred back in time, so I kept him there, but not as hard as I usually go because he was balling pretty bad, finally his body was moving and at that point I knew he couldn't take it anymore so I stopped. Now since I switched to domme I normally don't nurture but this boy seemed in need so I did. As he came out of his experience he thanked me and off he went. That was very unique to say the least, but whatever tool you use to help, they are there and a person can feel at ease after the experience.